17 DAYS BEFORE MY EUROPE TRIP
It hasn't hit yet how soon it's coming. All I can think is "!!!!!!!!"
STATUS
Brain: 80% functioning (it's 8:04 AM)
Heart: Beating about Europe trip
Muscles: Yelling and screaming at me for the torture I put them through yesterday.
I realized awhile back that I've done something strange to myself. Besides the muscle torture. All through middle school and the first years of high school, I had the pleasure of having to deal with being in classes full of people that I had no intention of ever being associated with. No offense to anyone, but it's true. I won't go into detail why. I didn't know or relate very well to the people I was surrounded by. At least, for the classes that weren't honors classes. Like Spanish in middle school. And Science in High school. [shudder] And when I did try to relate to them in some way -- laugh at the things they said, pretend to share their point of view -- I abandoned part of myself.
Eventually I realized that this was lying. At the time, I was too shy to just plain say, "No, I don't agree with you." or "That's actually a really stupid thing to do." I still try to find ways to say those things less frankly. But in my younger years, I didn't know how to do that yet.
So instead, I just became a listener and an observer. I would listen to people and just refrain from comment. If people asked me questions, of course, I would answer, but people are notorious for loving to talk about themselves...so I mostly listened. I think in another life I was an excellent therapist :-) Basically, I adapted to being alone in the crowd and became comfortable that way, because otherwise I would've been miserable.
Here's the weird thing: now that I'm in Running Start and have been able to choose more easily my environments and the people I surround myself with, I've been more with people who I can relate to and actually call my friends. But I've adapted so much to being the listener that I've remained quiet, low-profile, observant -- seemingly to the point of being antisocial. I read all the time when I'm with people because I'm on a different study schedule. I listen to conversations. In my world, I'm being laid back. I'm simply not a chattery kind of person. In other people's views, though, I worry that I come across as stand-offish, reclusive, antisocial.
Even when I'm with my best friends, I realize I don't talk as much as they do sometimes. I know when I'm with my boyfriend I'm the more quiet one. At home with my family, I'm often in my room and regret missing time with everyone else.
I enjoy having time to myself to be alone. But I don't want to be alone forever. My family actually has quite a history of hermits. I don't want to be a hermit. I don't want to push away friends -- I have so many amazing people in my life! I don't want people to become bored of me because I don't say much. Basically, I don't want to end up being the crazy cat lady on the corner who is only seen in the mornings in her bathrobe when she takes out the trash.
There are over 500 species of hermit crabs. I don't want to make 501.
I'm going to try to be more social...
1 comments:
This is an "anonymous" and objective observer speaking.
You talk about yourself more than you realize. See the above several paragraphs.
From personal experience you aren't the quieter one.
Just saying.
I think the best thing to do would be to count your words per minute. That would help. Compare your WPM to others. Whoever has more is the better human being.
But word count isn't really the important thing. It's more about getting your opinion out. So do the same thing. Count your opinions/minute. Whoever puts out their opinions more wins! Who cares about preserving harmony? It's America and it's about you!
Really, though, it's not about how much you talk it's about what you say.
If you actually asked the people who you think think you are pushing them away you would find that your attempt to read their minds is wrong.
So don't worry, you don't know what they are thinking. No one thinks you're pushing them away.
If you really think you aren't saying your opinions ever, there's nothing wrong with that. Your role in conversations is more focused on promoting fluidity than creating content. So enjoy the fact that you are more concerned about others. Besides, no one likes criticism.
By the way you forgot to put an "and" after "stand-offish, reclusive, antisocial." That's called anaphora. I know a lot about English because I took AP, got good grades, passed the AP test.
Also, why say "no offense to anyone, but it's true". That's like saying "I don't mean to dislike you, but I do". It sounds kind of picky, but it's true.
Also, you should only use one '-' -- it's the generally accepted way.
Also, "Did try to relate to them" and "try to share their point of view" is redundant. That means they mean the same thing. So they are basically saying the same thing.
"just plain say" is also redundant.
Oh I see you emphasized miserable. That was LAME!
Also, why did you put ellipses at the end? That doesn't make sense because you aren't leading to anything and shouldn't show hesitation...
Well this just shows that you don't really think what you're writing -- "I don't talk as much as they do sometimes". Sometimes? So it's not that big of a problem then? Don't make a freaking MOUNTAIN out OF A MOLEHILL! THIS MAKES ME RAAAAGGGEEEEE!!!!!1111 DO YOU EVEN KNOW ENGLISH>??!?! IS IT A PROBLEM?!?!?! YOU SEE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!!! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LET OUR KIDS RUN AROUND AND SMOKE HERB ALL DAY!
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